A Marketing Plan for Morning Talk Shows*

Objective – To atrract new viewers by capitalizing on the growing health and fitness industry.

Method: Most morning shows run 3-4 hours long, and cover a wide variety of topics.  It feels quaint to think about the million of houswives who tune in every day for a cheerful spin and neglect of tragic issues.  I read the other day that the lady on the “Biggest Loser” charges $250,000 for a private session.  People are crazy about working out with TV personalities.  Instituting a daily workout break in the show could attract a larger audience building on viewer participation.  The workout would have to be extremely moderate to accomodate people of all fitness levels, so it could be limited to 10 minutes and comprised of stretching and balancing.

The payoff: 5 minutes of ad time.  Paid for handsomely by health food chains and non-FDA regulated “vitamin suppliments.”

*Patent Pending – I deserve some of that sweet ad milk.

Dystopia

It began like it had, time and time before, as societies rebuild and mourn. They listen to the prescient words of ivory tower sages who speak of peace, of hope, and world order. Slowly they rebuild, from fallen ashes, skyscrapers that reach the limits of their creativity and ingenuity. Modernization spreads rapidly and so does the quality of life. But deep within something deeply unsettling lurks and gnaws away at conscience, and the suffering is profound.

Insurmountable debt is the updated form of slavery; legal and innocuous.

Spending and consuming as much as possible is the advertised desire of life.

Towns and provinces built around retail commerce, each one indistinguishable from the next.

People cling to a zero-chance lottery with hopes of escape as though the God of numbers and probability will grant them a pardon from their serfdom.

A society where faith has disappeared. Faith in mankind, faith in a higher power, faith in love. Cynicism, like quicksand, trapping the impulses of the heart.

A society where the higher power is the head of the global bank, who maintains the massive gap between the rich and poor to promote stability and safety.

Where dissent is voiced only in private. The fear screaming from deep within cannot break the placid shell which encases the mind.

Where debate and discourse our lowered to the lowest common denominator, where rhetoric outweighs logic and reason.

A place where it is a struggle to reach the lighter side of life because the platitude in maintaining rest position #1 seems so light.

The society of ever expanding bureaucracy, where each new and imagined condition is met with regulations and restrictions.

A place where the promise of Utopia seems like a sick joke.

A place where you wake up in the morning, and realize that no politician, company, or ideology is going to change any of this… where the limited freedom you hold seems insufficient to conquer your fears and that instinct to repress your desires… and you decide…

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato

Comic of the Day

Thanks to Sinfest for making me laugh and cry at the same time.

Delicate Truths

We are all guilty of dereliction of the basic duties of citizenry. 

The War on Terrorism has consumed the modern age.  It is a war without boundaries, limitations, ethical considerations and a war that may be fought in perpetuity.  It is a war in which we have given blind faith to our government, to act ceaselessly, without question, so that we may feel secure in our own homes.  

Like most people, I do not put much faith in our government.  They exist because without their existence there would be chaos, but the illusion of security they provide is not reason in itself to unabashedly trust their actions.  

Like most people I believe we will never know the full story behind 9/11.  We know the highlights, we think we know who to blame (sadly more than a 1/3 of this country still believes Iraq had something to do with it.)  But people somewhere, within our government are lying, still actively trying to cover-up small details that threaten to unravel the web of deceit… 

PBS is due to release a documentary called ” The Shadow Factory,” in a matter of days.  It’s uniquely topical in our neo-fascist state by elaborating on the eavesdropping techniques of the national security agency.  What is uniquely interesting about this documentary is that the FBI prevented two active agents from explaining to James Bamford, the documentarian, how the CIA deliberately withheld information from the FBI prior to the 9/11 attacks.  

It is well known that the ball was dropped somewhere within our government and that many individuals deserve to be reprimanded for dereliction of duty, yet none have been punished.  Instead the government continues to actively conceal the truths through intimidation and coercion.  

It is a frighteningly fascist path… their plan is… “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.” 

It’s analogous to the recession.  For months as our economy suffered through a recession our government refused to call it a recession, believing that they could spin it… it’s now “a crisis that could lead to a long and protracted recession” to quote the President.  The government’s function is to continually lie about basic circumstance… to provide the illusion of security.  It’s not a conspiracy theory because we are all complicit… we believe the big lies. 

 

“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.” – Adolf Hitler

Lower Back Tattoos

I’ve noticed a lot of my visitors arrive at the site by searching for “lower back tattoos” or some variation… 

Please stop the madness.  Why do girls still think these are cool?  They are hardly ever original, and sadly always called tramp stamps… if you don’t want to be called a tramp, don’t get one.

 

Just to prove the point… this is the web address to the wikipedia article entitled “Lower Back Tattoos“

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tramp_stamp

Fear and Objectivity

One of our most human traits is empathy.  The ability of a person to separate themselves from their inherent solipsism, to embrace and accept another person’s frame of reference, that is a truly divine ability. 

We pride ourselves on being open-minded, accepting and progressive.  

As I read punditry about the debate I cannot fathom how anyone would believe that McCain was the stronger debater.  I watched it live with everyone else.  I fear mine, and perhaps everyone’s objectivity has gone out the window as we approach the election.  

If there is no objective truth or standard, then who is right and who is wrong and how do we know which direction we are headed?

My only solace is that no matter what either party says, it can be close to certain that the next 4 years will be better than the last 8.

Betting on the “future” or the easiest 10k I’ll ever make

I’m not a prophet, nor a sage with any real wisdom. But I’d like to take this opportunity to take a stab at predicting a few current event outcomes currently hanging in the balance. Of course, like any good American I should get paid for this work, no matter how invaluable it may seem at the time. So to determine how much money I should get paid for being right I’m going to use a website called InTrade. This site functions like a stock market, where you buy $10 futures at discounted prices. (For example right now I can buy a $10 future that Barack Obama will be the next President for $5.84. In the event that Obama wins, I get $10 making a net profit of $4.16 on each future I buy).

A couple of interesting questions hanging in the balance:

Will the US and/or Israel Bomb Iran before December 31, 2008?
- I’ll buy 100 futures at $1.84. More than anything else I believe in irony. I believe Israel was created to prevent a 2nd holocaust, and I pray that I am wrong when I say that it’s creation/existence may be the cause of one in the future. (sidenote… yes that seems anti-semetic, but if you read this blog you should know that in addition to being anti-semetic I am also anti-christian, anti-muslim and anti-wiccan. I also believe governments make bad decisions and that includes the Israeli government)

Will Osama Bin Ladin be neutralized by December 31, 2008?
-Absolutely… I’ve been saying this for years. We’ve been keeping him locked up in a dark room some where for many years to be announced as a trophey at the end of Premier Bush’s reign, but there’s a problem. We can’t say that we’ve captured him because then we’d have to kill him or be politically unpopular in sparing his life. If we kill him he becomes a martyr and we’ve given radical Islamists a shot of adrenaline (we’d be giving radical Christians the same shot of adrenaline, but they’re pretty docile folk). No, he’ll be neutralized which means he’ll be found dead, presumably in a cave, with some embarrassing disease like syphilis or genital warts.

100 contracts @ $0.87 is a steal considering we’ve already captured him. Now Bush just needs to take credit before the end of the year.

Will Dr. Arata’s Cold Fusion experiment be replicated in a peer-reviewed scientific journal before Dec 31st 2008?!
-I’m surprised how many people in the Western World do not know about this experiment. Basically, on May 22nd Dr. Yoshiaki Arata, one of Japan’s most respect physicists, conducted an experiment that he called “solid nuclear fusion.” His experiment yielded high levels of excess heat from ZrO2-nano-Pd sample powders under D2 gas, charging and generating continuous energy and helium-4 as byproducts. The initial reaction of knowledgeable physics contemporaries at the experiment was that this was easily replicable.

100 contracts at $2.00

The ELECTORAL COLLEGE TIE!!!
- 100 contracts at $0.45 *Sidenote. Obama wins popular vote by 2 million and change. House elections Obama as President, Senate splits 50-50 because Lieberman is a tool and Dick Cheney gets the tiebreaker… Obama/Palin White House. Does this get anymore exciting!?!?

OJ Simpson to be guilty of at least 1 Las Vegas robbery charge
- Nobody gets that lucky twice… 100 contracts at $8.00

Congress to approve a bailout of banks by September 30,2008
-100 contracts @ $2.99. It’s pretty much a given or we’re talking bread lines, soup kitchens and Bushvilles… which won’t be as much fun as we once imagined. (See Willie Nelson tattoo)

Price of Gold to be greater than $1000 by Dec 31, 2008
-People talk about the commodity bubble like it’s down for the count, but we love a comeback… and in seriously volatile times gold seems like a safe bet… just bite it first to make sure it’s real.

100 contracts @ $6.00

State of Ohio… will go Republican in 2008 for Pres. Election
-The market doesn’t favor this bet, it’s priced at 52-48 in favor of the dems, but that just means it’s a good deal for the faithful. 100 contracts@ $4.80 because nobody suppresses the black vote better than Ohio… except maybe Florida.

Where or where will the Dow Jones close??
-The smart money is that it closes above 10,000… that contract is going for $9.00 Since I’m certain the bailout will pass I think it’s safer to exercise a little more optimism and say it will close above 11,250. The contract there is at $4.80 vs. $6.20 for it closing above 11,000… an extra $1.40 for 250 points… seems like a deal.

100 contracts @ $4.80

Last named storm of 2008 Atlantic Hurricane season…

-That’s right folks they name these babies in advance. It’s a pretty even spread between Nana and Teddy, ranging from $1.12 for Nana to $1.09 for Teddy. Rene seems to be popular with the unusually high price of $1.42 which leads me to believe somebody’s getting some insider information from the National Weather Service. But since Weatherman are about as accurate as my dog I’m going to with Marco. 100 contracts @ $1.97

And now for some math…

197+480+480+600+299+800+45+200+87+184 = $3372 – Amount I need to purchase futures

If I go 10/10 on these predictions my return will be 66% (assuming I have the money to invest because I, like every good and patriotic american, was raped by the market this year… repeatedly)  If you want to gamble with me please respect the finders’ fee and donate 10% to my righteous, but undetermined cause.

A brief quiz on your intelligence

Is your quality of life going to improve because abortion or gay marriage are outlawed?

Do you really care if the government is listening to you tell your sister that your dog peed on your bed again?

Do you personally feel threatened by Al Qaeda?

Do you think it’s the government’s fault you lost your no skills required, minimum wage job because of illegal immigration?

Do you really need to complain about your health plan that won’t let you see that specialist in Chicago who will, in all likelihood, tell you the exact same thing the 3 specialists in your area have already told you?

Is this negative economy really the governments fault?

Do you think the federal government should tell each state how it is… especially when it comes to immigration, abortion, and gay marriage?  (If you answered yes and call yourself a “conservative” please remove your uneducated ass from the gene pool before finishing this article)

Did you expect Congress to do anything?  Anything at all?

Do you vote for that guy, whose name you recognize, because that’s just who you’ve always voted for?  Do you struggle to identify anything they’ve done since they’ve been elected?

Do you think you’re blameless for your current economic situation because you failed to read your mortgage contract or racked up $10k in credit card debt, because hey… banks and credit card companies are good people… they aren’t trying to squeeze you for every penny… it’s the government’s fault for not regulating them and informing you of the obvious, right?

Is somebody constantly out to get you or intentionally trying to make your life worse?  A Democrat, Republican or Ralph Nader?

If you answered yes to any of these questions… please do us all a favor and _______
***For those smart enough to pick up on my smarmy quips… please fill in the blank with your own suggestion in the “comments” section below.

A Prophecy

I stood on a balcony overlooking the city of San Francisco. I felt a wave of energy emanating that I thought was lost in time. Shenanigans will befall, and there will be scandal. An election, not stolen, but utterly incompetent will be a strong impetus, but the momentum has been growing for some time. The populace can only take so much abuse of policy, there needs to be a stool pigeon. The unjust war is a start, but it needs to be something more social. Energy, or immigration… something to coral a too comfortable populace into action.

When the time comes there will be great suffering, not on the level of past plagues, epidemics, and disasters, but financial and mental suffering. A suffering at the hands of a system we have for too long be complicit within.

A great leader will emerge to unite, but in doing so will divide. A second great leader will come on par with the first, representing the division of thought. Progress will win, but only after the emergence of a 3rd. One of great foresight who will purge the corruption and sacrifice themselves for the perseverance of the corrupt and flawed system that began the vicious cycle.

“If we dig precious things from the land, we will invite disaster.
Near the day of Purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky.
A container of ashes might one day be thrown from the sky, which could burn the land and boil the oceans.” – Hopi Indian Prophecy from Koyannisquatsi.

The Price of Gold – on the precipice of an economic empire

The Gold Anti-Trust Action Committee or GATA is shelling out $264,000 for a full page ad in the Wall St. Journal to call attention to the fact that our gold reserves haven’t been audited for more than a half a century. The announcement of the ad-buy elicited a sharp response from the Treasury Department’s general counsel.

“While the entire gold stock is not physically re-counted in any one year, over a period of years, by our continuous sampling process, the entire stock has been counted, and is effectively re-inventoried,” explains Rich Delmar, counsel to the inspector general of the Treasury Department.

KPMG was the independent auditor to the Treasury Department’s 2006 Annual Report, though it’s role was to inspect the balance sheets and custodial gold policy, not an inspection of actual physical inventory. Custodial gold is reserves being held for other countries in one of our mints and accounts for approximately 90% of a mint’s balance sheet.

According to GATA, the current price of gold can plausibly be a result of systemic manipulation. GATA alleges US gold reserves are being shipped overseas to settle complex transactions performed by the Federal Reserve and US Treasury to suppress the price of gold. They cite as evidence multiple Federal Reserve meeting notes as far back as 1995 indicating that the Treasury Department’s Exchange Stabilization Fund had undertaken gold swaps. “The objective of this manipulation is to conceal the mismanagement of the U.S. dollar so that it might retain its function as the world’s reserve currency,” reads the ad-copy.

GATA has filed a request through the freedom of information act for the Treasury Department and the Federal Reserve to disclose details on any gold swapping or leasing activities. The concern is that our gold reserves at Fort Knox and West Point may be seriously depleted. Craig Smith, the founder of Swiss America Trading Corp, alleges this corruption exists on an even wider time-frame. Smith noted any number of financial crises since the late 1980s that “should have propelled gold way beyond the 1980 high of $850,” including the savings and loan debacle and the birth of the Resolution Trust Corporation, the sub-prime security crisis, as well as the on-going devaluation and de-pegging of the US dollar.

Of course Smith’s company would benefit greatly from a gold crisis.  Swiss America hawks gold coins to unsuspecting consumers at the same price as gold bullion, despite the coins having less value than the bullion.

In the information age of unlimited information the lack of transparency into Treasury Department policy is disconcerting. Even more troublesome is the large amounts of money people are willing to spend to call attention to the lack of transparency, and the frightening implications if they are right. America’s empire is not like the empires of the past, based on sheer size of landmass and army, but rather is an economic empire, propped up by the fact that the almighty dollar is a more stable reserve than gold.  If this illusion dies, so does the empire.

*Editor’s note: Unlike many propagators of conspiracy theories, GATA is a pretty legitimate organization. Check out their website, which has a pretty nice collection of essays and research into the empirical evidence of collusion in financial markets.  They also have an email list and take online donations for those who want to explore the cause.

For those concerned about the potential economic impact from a scandal involving our gold reserves, you can play it safe with little adjustment to your portfolio.  Most investors recommend a portfolio of at least 10% gold (or mix of gold, precious metals and other commodities).  I’d recommend expanding this percentage of your portfolio to 20% – buying strongly in gold, managed timber.  Corn, soybeans and sugar cane are also good recession-resistant positions.  Be sure to remember that there is always someone making money when many people are losing money; make sure that you have enough liquidity in your portfolio to take advantage of future uncertainty.